Honesty Isn't Always Easy

The Honest Scrap award is given by other bloggers who consider a blog’s content or design to be brilliant. The awardees must then post ten honest things about
themselves and pass the award on to other bloggers who fit the bill – in other words, whose blog is brilliant.”




Okay, so I know that getting this award from a friend is nothing more than a poorly disguised attempt to get me to post here again *grin*, but since I have been meaning to anyway, I figure - what the heck - might as well take the opportunity. I don't usually do things like this, but I have been realizing lately that the person that I know I am may not be the person that other people see me as (I am planning a rather lengthy post on the subject soon), so posting ten honest things about myself is probably a good way to start helping people understand the real me: the way my mind works, why I do and say the things I do, and that the things going through my head probably aren't that different from the things going through anyone else's head. So, anyway... here goes...

• I am in the process of working on a truly epic work of fiction that I think is absolutely the best writing I have ever done, but I don't think anyone else will ever read it. I made the mistake of posting a short draft version of it online several months ago, and the ensuing criticism and lack of interest from everyone I told about it was such a blow to my self-esteem that I would have given up on the whole thing right there if the story hadn't been consuming my every creative thought at the time. I know that I probably took the whole thing too seriously, but I have a really hard time accepting criticism or lack of interest in my accomplishments from people because I don't think I am as good at anything as others seem to think I am, and that belief needs very little outside reinforcement.


• The hardest thing about hanging out with my friends is that I know I will never be as close to any of them as they are to each other.


• Realizing that I was an atheist has made me a much happier person...


• But on the downside, I am absolutely terrified of my dad finding out. We had a major falling-out several years ago when I moved in with my husband before we got married, and it took a long time for our relationship to recover. My hope would be that he'd accept me and that it wouldn't change anything, but I don't want to risk what I just got back on that hope.


• Sometimes I get disappointed and frustrated with myself because I know I could be doing and accomplishing so much more with my life, but I enjoy just taking it easy. I have so many nebulous plans for the future, but I feel like I lack the ambition to actually accomplish anything.


• Through a number of situations and events I don't know if I could have prevented, I have managed to drive away every girl I was every really close friends with. I still have friends who are girls, but I don't really feel close enough to confide in them any more. Sometimes I miss that.
  


• I am a horrible procrastinator. Always have been. For some reason, no one ever believes me when I tell them that.


• My greatest fear at the moment is that I will never feel grown-up and mature enough to have children.


• No single activity gives me more joy than singing, but I am usually too self-conscious to do it when anyone else is around. I love games like Rock Band and Guitar Hero because they give me an excuse to sing in front of other people without feeling the least bit self-conscious.


• And, last but not least... I write this blog because it gives me a way of expressing myself that I find hard to do in person. I have so many thoughts and feelings and opinions about things, but I have a really hard time expressing myself verbally, so I write it instead. That is why I want everyone to read what I write... because I am writing the things that I can't say out loud, because my brain just doesn't work fast enough to have coherent conversations about stuff that really interests me. I will be going more in-depth on this in a future post.

So there you have it. Ten honest things about me. Some good, some bad, some that may be hard for others to hear, but all things that I feel are worth people knowing about me. I have no one to tag in order to pass on this award, so instead, I will just invite anyone who doesn't have a blog to stop and consider: What ten things would you tell others about yourself if you wanted them to understand you better?